A client at the Hospice Care Center didn't want to be a burden to anyone, especially to her son and his family. She talked to me about independence and making choices. She gave me insight into what the word "burden" meant from a patient's perspective and not a caregiver's.

When I met her she was watching CNN and I asked if there was anything exciting going on in the world. "No," she said, "but I've done something that's worth talking about. I have been living with my son and his family for months, and today I moved into the care center. It was the best move I've ever made."

She was 69 years old and suffering with emphysema. She had worked up until the past year and liked being independent. She knew the time had come to put her affairs in order.

"I've been ill for a very long while," she said. "I know that I have not been a burden to my son, but I have been a constant disruption. Yes, I've disrupted their lives long enough. Long-term illnesses take such a serious toll on everyone involved and it is important for people to understand that love is not the issue we are talking about. Loved ones will do anything they can and go through so much to make it better for the ill person. But, at some point, you have to step back and think about what is really best for everyone.”

“I still want to feel some independence and to make my own choices. I was productive and took care of myself my whole life. Now, I have to ask my two-year-old granddaughter to go and get something for me."

"I am not my son's child," she continued. "We have all had enough of this disease. I am ready to have my family visit me, not take care of me. It is time for me to have them love me as a mother, but let me go as a friend."

This woman loved her son for wanting to help her in any way he could. This special lady knew the difference between being a burden and feeling like a disruption. Her perception about this very common issue helped me realize Just how important it is to respect other people's wishes and to allow those you love to maintain their independence for as long as possible.